ARTICLE 9 min read

The Sounds of Grief: Melodies for Saying Goodbye

There are moments in grief when words fall away. After the death of someone we love, it can be difficult to express everything unfolding within us: the absence, the pain, the love, the anger, the gratitude, and all the emotions carried by shared memories. At such times, music can become a unique companion—not because it takes grief away or can “heal” a loss on its own.

The Sustaining Power of Music

Research suggests instead that, for some people, music may help them experience and regulate emotions, maintain a connection with the memory of the person who has died, and participate meaningfully in rituals of farewell. Singing, too, may offer a sense of support—particularly when we raise our voices not alone, but together with others.

When Melodies Speak for Us

Grief is not a single emotion, but a changing and many-layered inner process. It may contain feelings that follow one another or exist side by side, even when they seem contradictory. We may be crying one moment, while an old memory brings a smile to our face the next.

A slow melody may bring us closer to our sadness. A song once cherished together may evoke a precious memory. A more joyful piece may remind us of what it felt like to laugh, celebrate or simply enjoy life together.

The sounds and silence

There is therefore no single kind of music that is “right” for everyone in grief. Some people cannot bear to listen to music for a while; for them, silence may express absence most truthfully. For others, music becomes something to hold on to. What matters is not what someone should listen to, but what a particular melody means to that person at that particular moment.

Sometimes a Single Song Holds an Entire Life

Some songs carry far more than a melody: they hold an entire story. An old recording may bring back a journey taken together, a family celebration, a dance, a summer evening, or the memory of someone sitting beside us as the same music played. The relationship between music and autobiographical memory has been explored in numerous studies. Music can evoke especially vivid personal memories, often accompanied by powerful emotions.

In grief, this can take on particular significance. A song may remind us not only that someone is no longer here, but also of everything they gave us and of the life and history we shared. Grief is not solely about the moment of death. In time, it may increasingly become a question of how we carry within us the memory of the person we have lost.

Music as a Connection with Someone Who Is No Longer Here

One important experience in grief may be the sense that our relationship with the person who died continues in a different form. In bereavement literature, this is often described as a continuing bond. Music can become part of that bond.

In one study, bereaved participants reported that music helped them connect with memories of the person who had died and, in some cases, strengthened their sense of that person’s “presence”. This does not mean that music removes the absence. Rather, it may create a space in which the memory of the relationship can continue to have a place in our lives.

Melodies for Saying Goodbye

Music can also play a deeply meaningful part in farewell rituals. A song played at a funeral or memorial can do more than create an atmosphere of dignity and remembrance. It may become a personal message, a memory, an act of tribute or a gentle way of recalling a story that held special meaning.

When We Do Not Only Listen, but Sing

Listening to music is a receptive experience; singing asks us to participate. This can feel quite different from simply hearing a recording.

You do not need to sing well. You do not need to be trained, nor do you need to perform in front of an audience. You might hum quietly to yourself or sing with others who are grieving the same person.

Singing can offer a personal way of expressing emotion. It is important, however, not to regard it as a universal or proven “cure”. The research suggests more cautiously that singing may provide beneficial psychological and social experiences for some people, and that it may help reduce anxiety and stress, particularly when practised in a group.

The Power of Singing Together

The role of shared singing is especially compelling. A 2018 systematic review found that group singing improved mental well-being and reduced symptoms of anxiety in several studies. In a more recent randomised study, as little as twelve minutes of singing together was associated with reductions in both anxiety and cortisol levels.

Several studies have explored the relationship between singing and social connection. In research by Pearce, Launay and Dunbar, people who sang together developed a sense of closeness more quickly than participants engaged in other shared activities.

This may be particularly meaningful in grief, because at a funeral or memorial it is rarely only one person who has experienced a loss. A family, a circle of friends or an entire community may be grieving. At such a time, singing a song together can offer a simple but powerful experience: I am not alone in this pain.

The Music Does Not Always Have to Be Sad

We often associate grief with sorrowful music, yet joyful memories also deserve a place in mourning. Losing someone we love does not erase the happiness we experienced together.

We can listen to a song that once made us laugh. We can dance to an old favourite. We can sing the chorus the person always loved.

A smile in grief does not mean that love is absent. Laughter does not mean that we have forgotten the person we lost. Sometimes it is precisely the joyful memories and melodies that help us remember them not only through their death and absence, but through the life they lived.

Music as a Recurring Ritual

Personal rituals can offer valuable support in grief. There may be a song we listen to every year on an anniversary, a piece of music we play on the person’s birthday, or a song the family sings together each year. Through music, we can return from time to time to the memories that matter to us, even as our own lives continue to unfold.

Music Therapy

Music therapy is a structured therapeutic process led by a qualified professional and guided by clearly defined therapeutic goals. It is not the same as listening to a favourite song at home or singing an old melody.

Research into music therapy and bereavement is growing, but the evidence base is not yet equally strong in every respect. The most accurate statement, therefore, is not that “music heals grief”, but that music and certain musical activities may play a supportive role in experiencing and processing bereavement.

The Rejected Sounds of Grief

In grief, there are melodies we cannot bear to hear for a time. There are songs we play again and again, and others that may stir something entirely different in us many years later.

What was unbearably painful at first may eventually become a tender reminder of someone we loved. Music is not necessarily a “solution”. It is more like a companion—one that may help us carry forward the love and memories that loss cannot erase.

Embark on a Music Journey

If music offers you something to hold on to, look for melodies that soothe you, help you feel safe or gently open the door to remembrance. Join a choir, explore music therapy or simply hum a song that means something to you. Sometimes that alone is enough to bring you a little closer to yourself.

And if, for now, you would prefer simply to listen, you can find the Lasting Echo team’s musical selection here, along with our specially curated playlist of music for funerals and farewells.

Important note
The content on this website is intended to inform and support. It is not a substitute for professional help from a psychologist, psychiatrist or psychotherapist, nor for medical treatment when needed.

If you feel that the pain of loss has become too difficult to carry alone, please do not remain isolated. Share what you are feeling with someone you trust, and do not hesitate to seek professional support. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness, but an important step towards healing.

References

Michael Viega, Andeline dos Santos & Barbara L. Wheeler (eds.): Music Therapy Handbook, 2nd ed. (2025).
Merrill, K. J., Catron, E., Hamlin, E., Calhoun, J., & Hastings, S. O. (2025). Uses and Gratifications of Music in Bereavement: A Qualitative Inquiry. OMEGA – Journal of Death and Dying, 90(3), 1363–1380. DOI: 10.1177/00302228221121490.
Viper, M., Thyrén, D., & Bojner Horwitz, E. (2022). Music as Consolation – The Importance of Music at Farewells and Mourning. OMEGA – Journal of Death and Dying, 85(1), 155–177. DOI: 10.1177/0030222820942391.
O’Callaghan, C. C., et al. (2013). Sound continuing bonds with the deceased: The relevance of music, including preloss music therapy, for eight bereaved caregivers. Death Studies, 37(2), 101–125. DOI: 10.1080/07481187.2011.617488.
Hilliard, R. E. (2001). The Effects of Music Therapy-Based Bereavement Groups on Mood and Behavior of Grieving Children. Journal of Music Therapy, 38(4), 291–306. DOI: 10.1093/jmt/38.4.291.
Iliya, Y. A. (2015). Music Therapy as Grief Therapy for Adults with Mental Illness and Complicated Grief: A Pilot Study. Death Studies, 39(1–5), 173–184. DOI: 10.1080/07481187.2014.946624.
Gillespie, K., et al. (2024). Music therapy for supporting informal carers of adults with life-threatening illness pre- and post-bereavement: A mixed-methods systematic review. BMC Palliative Care, 23, 55.
Blais-Rochette, C., & Miranda, D. (2016). Music-evoked autobiographical memories, emotion regulation, time perspective, and mental health. Musicae Scientiae, 20(1), 26–52. DOI: 10.1177/1029864915626967.
Pearce, E., Launay, J., & Dunbar, R. I. M. (2015). The ice-breaker effect: Singing mediates fast social bonding. Royal Society Open Science, 2(10), 150221. DOI: 10.1098/rsos.150221.
Weinstein, D., Launay, J., Pearce, E., Dunbar, R. I. M., & Stewart, L. (2016). Singing and social bonding: Changes in connectivity and social closeness.
Williams, E., Dingle, G. A., & Clift, S. (2018). A systematic review of mental health and wellbeing outcomes of group singing for adults with a mental health condition. European Journal of Public Health, 28(6), 1035–1042. DOI: 10.1093/eurpub/cky013.
Pearce, E., Launay, J., Machin, A., & Dunbar, R. I. M. (2016). Is Group Singing Special? Health, Wellbeing and Social Bonding in Community Choirs.
Singing together or apart: The effect of competitive and cooperative singing on social bonding within and between sub-groups of a university fraternity. (2016). Royal Society Open Science.

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