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GUIDE 9 min read

Mindfulness – A Gentle Presence in Grief

Mindfulness does not mean emptying the mind, suppressing pain or forcing ourselves to feel calm. It is the practice of noticing what is happening within and around us without immediately judging it or trying to change it.

During grief, even one or two minutes of mindful presence may be enough. If paying attention to your breathing or bodily sensations causes tension, keep your eyes open and direct your attention towards an external object, a sound, or the feeling of your feet meeting the ground. You can stop any exercise at any time.

1. Arriving Through Three Points of Awareness

Time: 1–3 minutes

This brief exercise can help you pause during a difficult moment without having to resolve everything you are feeling.

Steps

  1. Look around and silently name three things you can see.
  2. Notice three sounds. You do not need to decide whether they are pleasant or unpleasant.
  3. Notice three points of contact in your body: perhaps your feet against the floor, your back against the chair, or your hands resting in your lap.
  4. Say silently:
    “I am here. This moment may be difficult, but I do not have to carry all of it at once.”

To close: Choose one small next step: drink some water, open a window, or remain quietly where you are for another thirty seconds.

2. The Breath as a Quiet Companion

Time: 3–5 minutes
You will need: a chair or another comfortable place to sit

You do not need to breathe more deeply or slowly. It is enough to notice how the breath arrives and leaves by itself.

Steps

  1. Settle into a position that allows your body to feel supported.
  2. If it feels comforting, place one hand over your chest or abdomen.
  3. Notice the sensations of breathing in and breathing out.
  4. Do not try to control the breath. Simply observe:
    “Breathing in—I am here. Breathing out—this is how much I can release for now.”
  5. Whenever your attention wanders, gently return to the next breath.

If focusing on the breath feels uncomfortable: Look at an object in front of you and notice its colour, shape and texture. This is just as valid a way of practising mindful presence.

3. The Five Senses – Returning to the Present

Time: 3–5 minutes

This exercise may be helpful when your thoughts are circling or a memory suddenly carries you away.

Steps

Name:

  • five things you can see;
  • four sensations you can feel in your body or against your skin;
  • three sounds you can hear;
  • two scents you can notice or gently recall;
  • one taste you can sense now, or one that you find comforting.

Take your time. Stay with each observation for a few seconds.

To close: Say to yourself:

“My thoughts may be in the past or the future, but my body is here now.”

4. The Wave of Grief

Time: 5–10 minutes
You will need: a quiet place to sit

This exercise may help you observe an emotion as a changing process rather than as something that will remain exactly the same forever.

Steps

  1. Name what is present in simple words:
    “Sadness is here right now.”
    “Anger is here right now.”
    “The sense of absence is very strong right now.”
  2. Notice where you feel it in your body.
  3. Imagine the feeling as a wave. You do not need to make it disappear, nor do you need to become submerged in it.
  4. Observe:
    • whether it is growing stronger or beginning to soften;
    • whether it feels still or constantly changing;
    • whether it seems to have edges, a centre or a rhythm;
    • whether another feeling is present beside it.
  5. Say silently:
    “This is here right now. I do not have to like it, but I can notice it.”
    “The wave is changing, even if the change is slow.”

To close: Bring your attention back to the room and name where you are and what day it is.

5. A Gentle Body Scan

Time: 8–12 minutes
You will need: a comfortable place to sit or lie down

Grief may also be felt in the body as exhaustion, tightness, restlessness or emptiness. The purpose of a body scan is not to remove these sensations, but simply to notice them.

Steps

  1. Begin by noticing the soles of your feet.
  2. Slowly move your attention upwards: lower legs, knees, thighs, pelvis, abdomen, chest, back, hands, arms, shoulders, neck and face.
  3. In each area, simply notice:
    • whether there is tension or softness;
    • warmth or coolness;
    • heaviness or lightness;
    • or perhaps no clear sensation at all.
  4. You do not need to relax anything. If a sense of easing comes naturally, allow it to happen.
  5. If any part of the body holds feelings that seem too intense, return your attention to your feet or open your eyes.

To close: Gently move your fingers, stretch if it feels right, and then slowly sit or stand up.

6. Mindful Walking – One Step at a Time

Time: 5–15 minutes
You will need: a safe place to walk

The purpose is not exercise and you do not need to reach a destination. This practice invites you to spend a few minutes noticing your movements and surroundings.

Steps

  1. Begin walking a little more slowly than usual.
  2. Notice how each foot lifts and returns to the ground.
  3. Feel the weight of your body shifting from one leg to the other.
  4. From time to time, direct your attention towards what you can see and hear.
  5. If a memory or painful thought appears, name it gently:
    “Remembering.”
    “Absence.”
    “Worry.”
  6. Then return to the sensation of your next step.

To close: At the end of the walk, pause and notice whether there has been any small change in your body or attention. You do not need to feel better for the practice to have been worthwhile.

7. Giving One Object Your Full Attention

Time: 5–10 minutes
You will need: an ordinary object or a keepsake

You might choose a stone, cup, leaf or something connected with the person who died. If a keepsake brings feelings that are too intense, begin with a neutral object.

Steps

  1. Notice the object’s colour, shape, weight and texture.
  2. Turn it over slowly in your hands.
  3. Notice the thoughts and feelings it brings.
  4. Do not try to push them away or follow them further. Simply name them:
    “Love.”
    “Pain.”
    “Warmth.”
    “A memory has arrived.”
  5. Return your attention to the physical qualities of the object.

To close: Place the object back where it belongs and consciously decide whether you would like to continue remembering for a while or turn towards another activity.

8. Listening to the Sounds Around Silence

Time: 5 minutes

Listening to sounds can offer a gentle alternative when focusing on the body or breath feels too difficult.

Steps

  1. Close your eyes, or allow your gaze to rest softly on one point.
  2. First, notice the most distant sound you can hear.
  3. Then listen for sounds that are closer.
  4. Finally, if it feels comfortable, notice any sounds within your own body.
  5. Try not to identify the source of each sound. Listen as though the sounds are arriving and then moving on.
  6. When a thought carries your attention away, return to the next sound you can hear.

To close: Notice the moments of silence that appear between one sound and the next.

9. STOP – A Brief Pause in Difficult Moments

Time: 1–2 minutes

The STOP practice may be particularly helpful when a notification, photograph, anniversary or unexpected memory suddenly brings a strong wave of emotion.

Steps

  • S – Stop: Pause for a moment.
  • T – Take a breath: Take one natural breath, or feel your feet against the ground.
  • O – Observe: Notice the thoughts, feelings and physical reactions that are present.
  • P – Proceed gently: Decide what the kindest next step might be.

This may mean closing the notification, drinking a glass of water, sitting quietly for a few minutes, or calling someone you trust.

Closing sentence:

“I do not have to react automatically. I can choose a gentler next step.”

10. A Three-Step Self-Compassion Pause

Time: 3–5 minutes

This practice can help you acknowledge pain without blaming yourself for it.

Steps

1. Name the moment

“This is very difficult right now.”
“The absence feels very strong in this moment.”

2. Remind yourself that you are part of a shared human experience

“Grief is a human experience.”
“I am not the only person to struggle with feelings like these, even though I may feel very alone right now.”

3. Respond to yourself with kindness

“I can be patient with myself in this moment.”
“I do not have to carry more than I am capable of carrying right now.”

If it feels comforting, place a hand over your heart or gently hold your own arm.

11. One Mindful Sip

Time: 2–5 minutes
You will need: water, tea or another drink

This very simple practice can be used even on days when you do not have the energy for sustained attention.

Steps

  1. Hold the cup or glass and notice its weight and temperature.
  2. Observe the colour and scent of the drink.
  3. Take one slow sip.
  4. Notice its taste, temperature and the movement of swallowing.
  5. Pause briefly before taking another sip.

Closing sentence:

“In this one moment, I am caring for myself.”

12. Arriving at the End of the Day – Three Things from Today

Time: 5 minutes
You will need: a notebook, or simply a quiet moment for reflection

This is not a compulsory gratitude or positive-thinking exercise. Both the difficult and sustaining moments of the day are welcome here.

Steps

At the end of the day, name:

  1. One thing that was difficult today.
  2. One thing that supported you, even for a moment.
  3. One thing you may need tomorrow.

For example:

  • “Waking up in the empty home was difficult.”
  • “A message from my friend helped me feel supported.”
  • “Tomorrow I need more rest and fewer expectations.”

To close: Say to yourself:

“This is how today was. I do not need to make it more beautiful, nor do I need to live through it again.”

Important to Know About Practising Mindfulness

Mindfulness is not calming for everyone or in every moment. Following a traumatic loss, or when experiencing panic, dissociation or intense physical anxiety, directing attention inwards may intensify difficult experiences. In these situations, choose a brief practice with your eyes open that focuses on the outside world, or seek the support of a qualified professional.

You do not have to remain still, close your eyes or focus on your breathing. Mindful walking, listening to sounds and exploring an object through your senses are equally valid forms of mindfulness practice.

If any exercise leads to a lasting increase in anxiety, alters your sense of reality, or brings thoughts of self-harm or suicide, stop the practice and seek professional support as soon as possible. If you are in immediate danger, contact your local emergency service or crisis support service.

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