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GUIDE 15 min read

Creative and Reflective Practices for Living with Grief

Grief often holds absence, love, anger, fear, gratitude and uncertainty all at once. It is not always easy to find words for what is happening within us. Drawing, free writing and guided reflection can help us move closer to these feelings—not to make them disappear quickly, but to give them attention and form.

You do not need to complete the following exercises in order. Choose the one that speaks to you in this moment, and go only as far as feels emotionally safe. You do not need to draw beautifully or find the perfect words. What you create is not a performance, and you do not have to show it to anyone.

Before You Begin

Find a quiet place where you are unlikely to be disturbed for a few minutes. Keep a drink, some paper and a pen or drawing materials nearby. Decide in advance approximately how long you would like to spend on the exercise.

You can stop at any time. This is not a failure—it is a way of respecting your own boundaries.

Bringing the Exercises to a Close

After completing any of these exercises, give yourself a few minutes to return gently to the present. Try not to move straight on to the next practice.

You may find it helpful to:

  • wash your face or hands;
  • have a warm drink;
  • step outside for a few minutes;
  • listen to music;
  • wrap yourself in a blanket;
  • call someone you trust;
  • name three things that help you feel safe in this moment.

The aim is not to feel better at the end of every exercise. Sometimes it is meaningful enough for an emotion to become easier to recognise, a little more bearable, or simply a little less lonely.

I. Giving Shape to What Is Difficult to Express

1. When Absence Takes Form

Time: 15–20 minutes
You will need: paper, a pencil, coloured pencils, felt-tip pens or paint

If your sense of absence could take on a physical form, what might it look like? You do not need to draw a recognisable object.

Steps

  1. Close your eyes for a few moments and notice where you feel the absence most strongly in your body.
  2. Imagine that this feeling has a shape, size, colour and texture.
  3. Draw it instinctively. Try not to correct or judge what appears.
  4. When you have finished, give the image a title.
  5. Write a few sentences beside it:
    • What might this shape wish to say?
    • What does it need right now?
    • Is there room around it for anything else?

To close: Look at your drawing from a little distance. Say to yourself:

“This is how much I was able to show of what I am carrying. For today, this is enough.”

2. Inner Weather – How Grief Lives Within Me Today

Time: 15–25 minutes
You will need: paper and any drawing materials you prefer, or a notebook and pen

Imagine your grief as a landscape or a kind of weather. It might be a misty forest, a stormy sea, parched earth, a changing sky, or a place containing both darkness and light.

Steps

  1. Complete the sentence:
    “Today, my grief feels like…”
  2. Draw or describe this inner landscape.
  3. Mark:
    • where the most difficult part lies;
    • where you might rest for a moment;
    • whether there is a path, shelter, light or movement;
    • where you would place yourself within it.
  4. Consider what might help you feel a little safer in this landscape.

To close: Do not try to make the image more beautiful. It is enough for it to show honestly where you are today.

3. A Single Sign – A Symbol for My Grief

Time: 10–20 minutes
You will need: paper and drawing materials, or a meaningful object

Choose or create a symbol that expresses something about your grief. It might be a bridge, key, tree, stone, cracked vessel, thread, bird or star—or a sign that belongs entirely to you.

Steps

  1. Do not search for the “perfect” symbol. Choose the first one that moves you.
  2. Draw it, or place the chosen object in front of you.
  3. Write around it:
    • What does it preserve?
    • What has it lost?
    • What kind of strength does it carry?
    • How would you like it to change over time?
  4. Give it a short sentence, such as:
    “I have changed, but I have not disappeared.”

To close: If it feels right, keep the symbol somewhere visible for a while, as a reminder that your grief can have a language of its own.

II. What We Show the World and What We Carry Within

4. Light and Shadow – The Visible and Hidden Self

Time: 15–20 minutes
You will need: a sheet of paper divided into two, and a pen or drawing materials

While grieving, we often show the world something different from what we are experiencing inside. This is not necessarily dishonesty. Sometimes it is how we protect ourselves or continue to manage everyday life.

Steps

  1. Divide the page into two.
  2. Title the left side: “What Others See.”
  3. Title the right side: “What I Feel Inside.”
  4. Fill both sides with words, colours or drawings.
  5. Consider:
    • Where is the greatest difference?
    • Is there someone with whom you might share a little of what is on the inside?
    • What would you like to hide less?
    • What boundary do you need in order to feel safe?

To close: Write at the bottom of the page:

“I do not have to show everything to everyone, but I am allowed to know what I feel.”

5. My Words for Grief and the Messages I Receive from the World

Time: 15–25 minutes
You will need: a notebook or a sheet of paper divided into two columns

Grieving people often hear phrases that rush them, oversimplify their experience or unintentionally cause pain. This exercise can help separate outside expectations from your own lived reality.

Steps

  1. In the first column, write down the messages you hear or sense from the world around you:
    • “You have to be strong.”
    • “It is time to move on.”
    • “Try not to think about them so much.”
    • “At least…”
  2. In the second column, write down your own honest sentences:
    • “Today, I…”
    • “I feel both…”
    • “I do not know how much time I need.”
    • “Laughing does not mean I have forgotten.”
  3. Choose three sentences from your own column that you would like to take more seriously.
  4. Create a boundary-setting sentence for moments when someone says something hurtful:
    “I know you want to help, but right now I need you simply to listen.”

To close: Remind yourself that the inner reality of your grief is not governed by someone else’s timetable.

III. Fear, Anger and the Needs Beneath Them

6. What Worries Me Now – Free Writing About My Fears

Time: 5–10 minutes
You will need: paper, a pen and a timer

During free writing, you do not need to organise or polish your thoughts. The aim is to let them come without holding them back for a few minutes.

Steps

  1. Set a timer for 5–10 minutes.
  2. Begin with:
    “Since this happened, I have been afraid that…”
  3. Keep writing. If you become stuck, write:
    “I do not know what to write now, but…”
  4. When the time is up, underline the fears that feel strongest at present.
  5. Beside each one, write:
    • Is this a present fact or a fear about the future?
    • Which part of it, if any, can I influence?
    • Is there something I can do about it today?
    • Who could I ask for support?

To close: Fold the paper and say to yourself:

“My fears carry important signals, but not all of them are predictions.”

7. The Voice of Anger and the Feeling Beneath It

Time: 20–30 minutes
You will need: three sheets of paper and a pen

Anger can be a natural part of grief. It may be directed towards the person who died, ourselves, other people, medical professionals, fate or the entire world. There is no need to feel ashamed of it, but it is important to give it a voice in a safe way.

Steps

First page – The voice of anger

Begin with:

  • “I am angry because…”
  • “What feels unfair is…”
  • “What I most want to shout is…”

Second page – What may be beneath the anger

Complete these sentences:

  • “If there were pain beneath my anger, it would say…”
  • “If there were fear beneath my anger, it would be afraid that…”
  • “If my anger were protecting something within me, it would be…”
  • “What I truly need is…”

Third page – My response

Write a few compassionate sentences to your anger:

“I understand that you are here because something deeply important has been lost.”

“I will listen to you, but I will not allow you to harm me or anyone else.”

To close: Move your body in a safe way. Take a walk, gently shake out your arms, squeeze a cushion, and then consciously release the tension in your muscles.

IV. Thoughts That Return Again and Again

8. Mapping Recurring Thoughts

Time: 15–20 minutes
You will need: a large sheet of paper and a pen

Certain questions can return repeatedly during grief: “What if…?”, “Why didn’t I…?”, “How could this have happened?” This exercise can help you step back and see these cycles of thought from the outside.

Steps

  1. Write your most persistent thought—or several recurring thoughts—in the centre of the page.
  2. Draw branches around it:
    • What triggers it?
    • What feelings does it bring?
    • What do you do when it appears?
    • What happens afterwards?
    • What helps you step out of the cycle, even for a few minutes?
  3. Use different colours to mark:
    • questions that may have an answer;
    • questions surrounded by uncertainty;
    • questions that may never have a complete answer.
  4. Choose a sentence to interrupt the cycle:
    “I know this question. I do not have to walk the whole circle again right now.”

To close: Turn your attention towards something concrete in the present. Drink a glass of water, open a window or take a short walk.

9. Two Circles – What I Can Influence and What I Cannot

Time: 15–20 minutes
You will need: paper and a pen

This exercise is not asking you to “let go” of everything beyond your control. Instead, it can help you direct your limited energy towards the places where you still have some choice.

Steps

  1. Draw two large circles.
  2. Title the first: “What I Can Influence.”
  3. Title the second: “What I Cannot Influence.”
  4. In the first circle, you might include:
    • whom you ask for help;
    • what you choose to share with others;
    • how much rest you allow yourself;
    • which remembrance ritual you choose;
    • when you switch off your phone.
  5. In the second circle, you might include:
    • what has already happened;
    • other people’s reactions;
    • exactly how long grief will last;
    • unanswered questions;
    • which emotions arrive on any given day.
  6. Choose one small thing from the first circle that you can do within the next 24 hours.

To close: Write:

“I do not have to hold everything under control. Today, I will focus on where I still have a choice.”

V. Self-Compassion in Grief

10. A Sentence That Sits Beside Me

Time: 5–10 minutes
You will need: paper or a note on your phone

Imagine that a beloved friend is living through everything you are experiencing. What would you say without rushing them or trying to fix them?

Steps

  1. Write three sentences to this imaginary friend.
  2. Replace their name with your own.
  3. Choose the sentence that feels easiest to receive.

Examples:

  • “You do not have to solve everything today.”
  • “It makes sense that this hurts so much.”
  • “Finding this difficult does not mean you are doing it wrong.”
  • “You are allowed to rest without betraying the person you love.”
  • “You are still worthy of your own care today.”
  1. Write the sentence on a small card or save it as a reminder.

To close: If it feels comforting, place a hand over your heart and slowly read the sentence aloud to yourself.

11. Turning the Inner Judge into an Inner Ally

Time: 15–20 minutes
You will need: paper divided into two columns and a pen

The inner critic often repeats messages such as: “I should be stronger,” “I should be feeling better by now,” or “Surely I could have done more.” The goal is not to silence this voice by force, but to translate it into something more humane.

Steps

  1. Write the critical statements in the left-hand column.
  2. In the right-hand column, rewrite each one in a more compassionate but still believable form.

For example:

  • “I should be over this by now.”
    → “Grief does not have a compulsory deadline.”
  • “I am weak because I cannot manage anything today.”
    → “I am carrying a heavy burden, so I have less energy today.”
  • “I should not have laughed.”
    → “A smile does not erase love or absence.”
  • “I am doing everything wrong.”
    → “I am trying to find my way through something no one can be fully prepared for.”
  1. Mark the compassionate sentence you most need to hear today.

To close: You do not have to believe the new sentence completely. It is enough if it feels a little fairer than the old one.

VI. Remembrance, Love and an Ongoing Connection

12. Through the Eyes of Love

Time: 15–20 minutes
You will need: paper and a pen

This is not an attempt to receive an actual message from the person who died. It is an imaginative and reflective exercise based on what you knew of their character, values and relationship with you.

Steps

  1. Recall a moment when they looked at you with love or acceptance.
  2. Complete the following sentences:
    • “If they were looking at me with love now, perhaps they would notice…”
    • “They would want me to allow myself…”
    • “They might be glad that…”
    • “They would not expect me to…”
    • “They would want to see me caring for myself by…”
  3. If you cannot imagine what they would say, write that down too. Uncertainty is also a valid response.
  4. Choose one small act of care that may reflect the love you received from them.

To close: Say to yourself:

“Continuing my life does not erase our relationship.”

13. The Pathways of Love

Time: 20–30 minutes
You will need: paper, a pen and perhaps some photographs

The traces of love can appear in our habits, values, gestures and in the way we care for others.

Steps

Draw a path or timeline and place along it:

  • something you learned from the person who died;
  • a sentence they often used;
  • a habit you shared;
  • a value you would like to carry forward;
  • something you still do differently because of them;
  • something you hope to pass on to the next generation.

Then complete:

“Their love continues to live within me today through…”

To close: Choose one trace of their love that you would like to carry forward consciously during the coming week.

14. What You Gave Me – A Letter or List of Gratitude

Time: 15–25 minutes
You will need: a notebook or writing paper

Gratitude does not erase absence, nor does it require you to preserve only beautiful memories. Love and pain can exist side by side.

Steps

Write a list or letter using the following prompts:

  • “Thank you for teaching me…”
  • “What I received from you was…”
  • “With you, I experienced for the first time…”
  • “What remains with me from you is…”
  • “What I would like to pass on is…”
  • “What I found difficult to accept was…”
  • “What I am grateful for, despite everything, is…”

If the relationship was painful or complicated, your list may be short, and anger or disappointment may sit alongside gratitude. You do not need to make the difficult parts seem more beautiful than they were.

To close: You may keep the letter, place it in a memory box, seal it in an envelope, or choose another ending for it that feels right to you.

VII. Following the Story of Grief

15. Waves and Small Changes – A Grief Journal

Time: 5–15 minutes daily or weekly
You will need: a separate notebook or a secure digital note

A grief journal is not intended to make you analyse yourself every day. It can simply offer a place to notice the changing waves of grief and the small shifts that might otherwise go unseen.

Possible Prompts

You do not need to answer every question. Choose one or two each time:

  • What was the most difficult moment today?
  • What triggered it?
  • Where did I feel it in my body?
  • What gave me even a few minutes of relief?
  • What did I need?
  • Who offered me support?
  • What memory came to me?
  • What would I like to preserve from today?
  • What is one small thing I did for myself?

You may occasionally read earlier entries, but only if doing so does not feel overwhelming. Change does not always mean crying less. It may also appear in recognising your needs sooner or feeling more able to ask for help.

To close: End each entry with a sentence rooted in the present:

“I am here now, and this is how much of today I was able to carry.”

Important to Know

The exercises presented here are intended for reflection and emotional support. They are not a form of therapy and do not replace personalised care from a psychologist, psychiatrist, psychotherapist or other qualified professional, nor medical treatment when this is needed.

If the pain becomes unbearable or persistently prevents you from managing everyday life, please seek professional help as soon as possible.

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